Helping Our Youth Build Confidence

In-person and virtual counseling for children, teens, adults, and families across Texas

Parenting is one of the most challenging yet rewarding roles we’ll ever take on. As a mom of two boys, I’ve learned firsthand that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to become responsible, resilient, and confident individuals.

That might sound simple, but it’s not always easy, especially when we watch our kids struggle with anxiety, fear, or self-doubt. Our natural instinct is to protect and rescue them from discomfort. But over time, I learned that sometimes, the best way to help is to step back, encourage, and gently guide them to face hard things with courage and support.

When Protecting From Discomfort Hinders

When our youngest son was in kindergarten and first grade, he began struggling with anxiety at school. My first instinct was to make life easier for him, shielding him from anything that made him feel anxious. I wanted to protect him from pain.

But I quickly realized that my protection was actually feeding his fear. His confidence began to fade. He didn’t want to go out to eat, speak to people he didn’t know, or do anything that made him uncomfortable.

That’s when my husband and I decided to make a change. We committed to helping him face challenges rather than avoid them. It wasn’t always easy, but over time, we saw incredible growth. Four years later, our son is thriving, more confident, joyful, and resilient than ever.

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5 Ways to Help Kids Build Confidence and Resilience

1. Remind them their feelings don’t define them.

Help your child understand that anxiety, fear, or low self-esteem are emotions, not identity. These feelings are temporary and do not determine what they’re capable of. We called them “monsters” that tried to stop our son from doing brave things, but he learned that he could face and quiet those monsters with courage. We would use the term “don’t feed the monsters.”

2. Give them responsibilities that build competence.

Confidence often comes from competence. Begin with simple tasks like making the bed, taking out the trash, or unloading the dishwasher. When kids learn they can handle small responsibilities, they develop a stronger sense of capability and independence.

Gradually increase the difficulty as they succeed. Each win strengthens their belief in themselves.

A huge part of confidence comes from learning to trust themselves. When kids make small promises to themselves and follow through, they begin to believe, “I can be a person who does what I say I’m going to do.”

Encourage your child to set small, realistic goals, such as waking up early to read, shooting hoops before school, or practicing their instrument for ten minutes. Then, help them keep those promises to themselves with gentle accountability and encouragement.

It’s not about perfection, it’s about consistency. When children see that they can follow through on what they said they’d do, even in small ways, their self-worth grows. That trust becomes the foundation for confidence and emotional resilience.

3. Reframe failure as a chance to grow.

No one feels confident when perfection is the goal. Mistakes are part of learning, and kids need to know that failing doesn’t mean they’re failures.

In our home, we talk about how every action has a consequence, and that even when we make mistakes, we can always learn from them. Growth comes through trying again.

4. Expose them gently to what makes them anxious.

Avoidance keeps anxiety alive; exposure builds confidence. For our son, this meant ordering his own food at restaurants or going into the grocery store to buy a few items.

These may seem small, but each time he faced his fear, he felt stronger. Over time, he learned that the nervous feeling passes, and what’s left is pride and confidence.

5. Limit screen time and foster real connection.

Excessive screen time can negatively impact mood, sleep, and self-esteem, especially when children compare their lives to others online.

We’ve found that setting clear screen time limits helps tremendously. Devices are off-limits at dinner, and we often do “device detox days” filled with outdoor activities, games, or conversation. Some of our best talks happen in the car, no music, no distractions, just space to connect.

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The overall idea is to expose our youth to hard things and give them the tools they need to problem-solve. They learn that growth often occurs in the uncomfortable. The joy and confidence that come from overcoming something hard can’t be matched. They’re the kind that stay with us, reminding us we’re stronger than we think. Then, they will want to do more challenging things, CONFIDENTLY knowing they can. 

Randi Cunningham, M.Ed., LPC Associate, is the founder of Through the Storm Counseling. She works with children, teens, adults, couples, and families to help them navigate life’s challenges with compassion and practical tools for healing. Randi integrates trauma-informed approaches, DBT, CBCT, and Synergetic Play Therapy to support growth, emotional regulation, and connection. She is supervised by Dr. Elizabeth Miller, Ph.D., LPC-S, LMFT-S.